My dear boy,
The world will excuse your failure with one sentence: “Boys will be boys.” Do not believe it. That lie has destroyed more boys than it has ever protected.
“Boys will be boys.” This is a statement that suggests a leeway is given to boys to be unruly owing to their nature. Loaded with all the negative interpretations we can saddle, and as seemingly accurate as this can be, it is one of the factors responsible for the harm that most boys suffer because we often normalize what is destructive.
It is a pointer to the reason why a lot of people do not cater to the boy child with the delicate care they cater to the girl child. Because, for some reason, it is believed that boys will be fine in the end. In fact, songs are talking about boys being boys, to illustrate that they would always like certain things. They would always gravitate to certain vices and certain misdemeanors, even. Nevertheless, if we must be truthful to ourselves, to suggest that boys will be boys is a shy verdict or subtle expression of our belief that the boy child’s mental health doesn’t matter.
Now I must say this, and this is a personal opinion of mine. It is that I believe that many a man does not need therapy: he simply needs to receive appreciation from those for whom he slaves away. Is this to say that no men are walking about the face of the earth with the mental health of a World War II veteran? No. We have them. Men who, by reason of their sex, have been subjected to degradation, abuse, and molestation. However, for some reason, granted that the man is supposed to wear it as a badge of honor, a successful conquest of sorts, there is confusion in the mind of the boy child.
When an auntie, whose beauty is seemingly out of this world, comes onto you, it is instinctual that you appreciate it, because the boy child is built and designed to conquer territories. Conquering territories that seem larger than life is an ego boost, even when it scars you for life. And so, whereas our forefathers died in wars, gallantly fighting for their families and their nations, we have young men whose only conquest is climbing the mountainous hips of their mother’s friends or their father’s sisters or the nanny trusted to cater to their well-being. As Herculean as that may seem, rather than understand the jarring pain that is done, that is metted to their souls, they carry it as a badge of honor.
Hence, the idea is not that the little boy takes pleasure in it or that the man is not hurt by it. Verily, we must understand that there is nothing that alters the worldview of a young boy when it comes to love like abuse, because from then on, every woman is viewed as a territory to be conquered, subdued, dominated, and most likely not kept. It becomes a showboating activity to massage his ego, to say, “See what I can do”. Whereas when it comes to sex, sex is a superpower, and many boys misuse it because they were never taught what it means. Doesn’t great power come with great responsibility?
Well, but what is mental health?
Again, I say this, I do not advocate that the boy child should not be exposed to adversity. To be sheltered from adversity is tantamount to being prepared to be adversity itself. Pampered boys do not become gentle men. They become dangerous men. However, we must understand that a boy should be exposed to adversity; hitherto, in a controlled environment. Life, on the contrary, doesn’t do that. Life doesn’t understand the concept of a controlled environment or a simulated environment for the purpose of training. Life doesn’t understand that. Life is going to treat everyone the same, with great disregard for age, race, nationality, or social class if it’s given the chance to do so.
As such, how can we bring about building character in our boy child, while exposing them to pain and adversity? Let’s take recourse to the training system of ancient Sparta, known as the Agoge. Boys of Spartan delineation didn’t suddenly get dumped into the wild at fifteen; as it is widely speculated, the process was gradual. They were gradually pushed towards survival independence as teenagers.
At age seven, boys left home and entered the Agoge. They lived in groups, trained hard, and were deliberately underfed and underclothed. During the early teens, between twelve and fifteen, the conditions got harsher. These boys were encouraged to steal food to survive, but punished if caught. It’s important to understand the context. The goal was not morality, but cunning and resilience.
Around fifteen to seventeen, some boys were selected for a brutal test called the Krypteia. When you hear people speak of being sent into “the wild,” this is what they mean. The selected youths were sent out alone or in small groups into the countryside. They had to survive with minimal supplies and operated at night while hiding by day. This was a test of stealth, endurance, and psychological toughness. As thrilling as this survival training may seem, it also had a darker role. They were tasked with monitoring and sometimes killing members of the Helots, the enslaved population of Sparta.
See, Sparta was built around producing elite soldiers. As such, the entire society prioritized discipline, obedience, survival under pressure, and loyalty to the state. Consequently, it developed a long, escalating system of hardship, having both military and social control purposes. Just as Sparta did, instead of protecting boys from hardship, we must engineer hardship to shape them. Nevertheless, this must align with the society’s vision, a vision every family in that society should understand. Remember, a nation’s worldview is captured in its anthem. Note that son.
So, yes, we ought to let the boy child roam free, but it has to be controlled. The environment has to be controlled. Not taking recourse to this, the end thereof is destruction. Agreed. Nonetheless, we ought not to allow the boy child to be beaten to a stupor by life simply because we’re trying to build character. It follows that care targeted at the boy child should be reflected in the controlled environment where he is subjected to levels of adversity that his strength can carry. The better he gets at handling it, the better for him.
However, what most modern families have failed to impute in their extrapolation of the Spartan tale is that the boy is not sent into the world without training. The boy spent the last fifteen years of his life being trained for that moment when he is sent into “the wild.” But modern families are sending into “the wild” children who have never received any form of training whatsoever.
That quote rings true in this scenario: “Hard Times create strong men, strong men create easy times, easy times create weak men, and weak men create hard Times.” Hence, we cannot, for the sake of the consequences of easy times that have been created by strong men, refuse it. We must, therefore, as a society, decide for ourselves the simulated adversity that must ensure that even in the easy times, our boys become strong men. Otherwise, we will have a society that falls into chaos, into a lacuna of degeneration and sexual immorality.
I say this, and I will say it again and again and again. There are certain cases suffered by the youth of the West, which I believe are a product of privilege. I am yet to find in the difficult climate of Africa a boy who is gay and proudly so when he’s yet to eat some food. When your society is in abject poverty, I do not think that homosexuality thrives in an environment such as that. But this is not to suggest that we should keep our societies in abject poverty so that our tendency to be moral degenerates will not blossom. No! Far be it from us! On the contrary, we must ensure that these men who have grown to become weak, I wouldn’t want to say are exterminated, but some measures mitigate their growth.
Of course, the law of natural selection would always take its course when a society has refused to do that which it ought to do. I am not an advocate for genocide. Yes, we very much understand that some people are so stupid that they ought not to exist, and in fact, breathing is a waste of oxygen. Hark, I do not doubt that perhaps we stand in danger of answering to God for why we have raised the people who are wasting the resources that He so generously gave us.
In any case, it is high time we put in place a system that checks the excesses of the youth who have grown in a society created by strong men, an easy society, to make them understand that what they enjoy was never always there. And if you choose not to take responsibility, grow up and fight for that which has been handed over to you, it is going to slip away, and you fall into the category of Hezekiah, exhibiting the Hezekiah complex: men who care for themselves much more than they care for posterity.
Again, I say this while we are still on the subject of “boys will be boys.” It is only unfortunate that when such statements are made, all that comes to mind is vices. Boys will be boys. Yes, boys will always be that species of the human race that chooses responsibility over drunkenness, over liquor, and even over lucre; that will be boys. Boys will be that category of this race who will always choose to protect, to provide, and to preserve that which has been handed over to them. Those, I understand, are boys. On the other hand, they are also the machinations of the evil that we have allowed to thrive just because society has become too easy. In other words, if they are monsters, we made them.
Emphasis must be made as I must unequivocally express that I do not propagate the gospel of those who believe in the mass genocide of the population of this world to keep it pure; for I believe that what has made this world what it is is the pure and impure, the perfect and imperfect, living in harmony. Such vibrant diversity existing in unity!
So yes, my dear boy, I write to you, these boys exist as terrible examples of poor parenting and a society that has failed to take into account the innocent, pure boys that they were once offered. I have always treasured boys. I’ve always seen them as the hope of any nation, and I believe I’m not the only one who has held on to this sentiment. Even the so-called degenerates, the Epsteins of this world, who prey on our little boys, those who have decided that it must be that they will exterminate the future of this world, go for our little boys.
Wherefore, on the day that you would encounter those who are sick in their brains and by sick in their brains, I mean those who are boys, but somewhat believe they are girls, and somehow believe that they should share bathrooms with women, understand that such people are enemies of humanity and must be treated as such.
It is not homophobia. It is not transphobia. It is not any of these phobias that have been manufactured just to shut up the good ones. We as a people must ensure that we cast out that devil, and when that devil leaves, and the body chooses not to be revived, the next righteous thing to do is quarantine, or maybe not. I do not deny that I am still pondering this. But understand this, to be born a man and think that you were supposed to be born a woman is a mental sickness. God doesn’t play dice.
Hence, my little boy, yes, boys will be boys. But that can also mean that boys can rise to the place of responsibility, being held accountable for their lives. Do not fall into that trap, the one that suggests that there is so much time in this world that you can be a fool. Do not fall into that trap. My dear boy, be of good cheer. You are just a boy today. Always be a boy at heart, but remember, the world is counting on you to survive. Anyone who says otherwise is the enemy.
Love,
Dad.
