My dear boy,
As promised, I will shed light on the concept of mental health in this letter. I have once hinted that the word “mental” in the phrase “mental health” does not connote that the subject matter is an internal ordeal. It is a man’s state of mind in relation to his future and others. Accordingly, it exists without. Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, describes this when he says, “The art of living is more like wrestling than dancing, in so far as it stands ready against the accidental and the unforeseen, and is not apt to fall.” Note that I shall in no guise bother about women in this letter.
Now, there is what a man knows about himself; there is also what others know about him, and then there is the truth. The truth is the truth. Although it is not defined primarily by who is telling it nor by how it is told, the foregoing can impact the effect of the truth. I still maintain that you should be wary of a liar telling the truth, for truth in the mouth of a liar is a lie.
However, is the truth still true, if the intent for telling it is malicious? Also, can the truth, a two-edged sword, be wielded for evil? These colorations result in subjective truth, a quicksand of a landscape ready to swallow men whole. Do not step on such planes. Insist on the truth for the truth’s sake.
But why bother with a discourse on truth, when we should be discussing mental health? My dear boy, mental health challenges can be solved by unraveling the truth buried in a heap of lies. Lies are convenient or so many men presume. Many a man falls for this trap, only to realize it when the injuries have nearly eaten him up. Mark now that no man gets away with any lie. It always catches up with him should he live long enough. Otherwise, his lies killed him.
In any case, there is no man who has faced any challenge greater than him, nor will there be any who will. To assume otherwise is a lie which culminates in chaos. In other words, a man cannot be killed by the weight of the cross he is called to bear. The way out is through. Marcus Aurelius points out this realization when he says, “The impediment to action advances action. What stands in the way becomes the way.” Moreover, take solace in the fact that life always sorts itself out in the end.
Moving on, Mental Health And Mental Disorders: An Encyclopedia of Conditions, Treatments, And Well-being defines mental health as “successful mental functioning that results in productive activities, fulfilling relationships and the ability to cope with change and adversity.” In other words, it is “indispensable to effective personal functioning, interpersonal and family relationships and community life.” Expertly summarizing the above, Jordan Peterson aptly captures that “Mental health is the harmony between your existence and the future and others.” This harmony to which the contrary is chaos is truth. For clarity’s sake, a lie is the distortion of truth, even to the slightest degree.
For that reason, I will show you, my dear boy, through this letter, how grooming for men can impact the said harmony. My antepenultimate and penultimate letters are, on purpose, prequel to this. To have not read those will dwarf your understanding of this very letter.
With that said, who is a man? A male is not a man. While a male is a product of a biological process, a man is not. To be a man requires competence. You are trained to become a man. Manhood is a result of investment. And as spiritual as it is, it is a product of development. You are born male, but you become a man. You see, being a man is so hard that some males are trying to be female. Tell them to stop trying to be female. Hark, even a sex change doesn’t make you a man. All men are males, but not all males are men. Also, a female cannot be a man.
The definition of “man” is removed from gender norm roles. It is the absence of this truth that has brought most today’s century males mental health challenges. These are today’s century males with 20th century training. Sadly, you are not living in your father’s world.
What made your grandfather a man exist in oblivion against the backdrop of your world. Hunting when you should be computing is a recipe for chaos. Your grandfather, as a 20th century male, defined his identity through the roles he performed in society. He was the sole bread winner who lived in his own house with his wife and children. His manhood was, in consequence, defined by the roles he performed historically. However, if identity and values are defined by roles, then the loss thereof is the loss of identity and self-worth.
It is for this reason that today’s century male is at a loss for what makes him a man, in that the template he received from the father on the mount of tradition is not needed at the foot of the mount. Yet today’s century male is expected to be a man. There is therefore a disconnect between what he knows about himself, what others know about him, (knowledge fuels expectations) and what is. Unfortunately, society has expectations of him but cannot tell him how to meet them.
In a bid to become a man, today’s male, thereupon, attempts to find himself a woman only to realize that she doesn’t want him. A woman cannot want a man she doesn’t need. For the male, to be needed is to be useful; to be useful is to be respected, because respect is associated with value. Inversely, what is valued is that which is useful. This becomes a source of torture, because today’s male knows “you live with people to meet their needs.” Besides, inconvenience is the price we pay for community. Little wonder, a male is most hurt knowing that a female will leave him and never miss him.
Today’s century male is thus thrown into the boiling pot of loss. Loss of a sense of purpose, identity, self-worth, self-esteem, value, loss of a sense of authority, clear expectations and spiritual authority. There is a loss of self-pride, loss of passion: that reason to get up in the morning. As such, certain males have taken to vices in order to feel like a man. Understand that a man is the being that dominates. He is the being in control. These males even patronize prostitutes: her dependency gratifies their sense of manliness.
But it ought not to be so were today’s male a man. Though a man needs a woman to prove he is a man, he doesn’t need a woman to become one. A man is defined by his purpose. His identity is linked to his purpose. My dear boy, your manhood is not tied to social commentary. As Dr. Myles Monroe rightly said, “Opinion cannot change purpose.” Your roles may change, but your purpose will not. Roles are temporary, but purpose is permanent. Hence you are not what you do. Or better put, you are not the role you perform. It follows that irrespective of any circumstance, you are supposed to be a man. Wherefore, I charge you to think in terms of purpose, not roles because your underlying purpose transcends culture and tradition.
Now my son, the purpose of a man is to be in the presence of God, do the work he has been given (work is divine), grow that work and instruct. Against this there is no purpose. We can thus see that every role performed by the man becomes an expression of his purpose. This is why we are enjoined to do all things as unto the Lord, in that all things are done in and from his presence. As such, the greatest thing you can ever be is a man.
Ergo, a man’s mental health is the harmony between his purpose (his future is found within the crucible of his purpose) and his roles (in this we find others and the demonstration of his commitment to them). His personal grooming, thereby, becomes a window through which we interact passively or actively with the state of the aforementioned harmony. Granted, the language of his clothes is formed by the words of his purpose. Oscar Wilde is justified when he cries, “It is only shallow people who do not judge by appearance; the true mystery of the world is the visible, not the invisible.” Grooming for a man is hence a serious business, because he understands that in it his purpose is expressed.
Love,
Dad.
