MEN’S MENTAL HEALTH

 

How did no one speak about it? I had heard over four stories on the morning news in the past three weeks. Over 4 deaths were recorded by young thriving males. All had ended their lives. And today, our most exceptional and dedicated operations manager joined in. But, he was doing so well. He surpassed our target for the last month by 40%. What could have caused this tragedy? What could have gotten him to this point?

I recall having a conversation with him, and he had laid out plans and built structures to spur the company’s growth by 35%. He had spoken about pursuing his MBA in the States and later trying out the IVF option, a shot at the chance of conception. For the good heavens, what had happened?

“Maybe he had issues at home,” Dara said. “Maybe he was depressed, but what could get a man who has gotten that far in life, depressed?” She asked again.

“You just wouldn’t understand,” I reply.

I knew putting an end to our conversation with my abrupt answer could get Dara pissed, but it was no lie! She wouldn’t understand even if I broke it down to tiny tales. It was no coincidence it was the male folk everywhere embracing suicide. It had to be something. No! It was something. I knew it was something. It was something, and it was something mystical. In a patriarchal world, it seems like men are giving up their fate. Letting depression measure up their lives and choices. But for what reason, though? What could be causing this constant dilemma?

“I mean, we see men dying constantly by high blood pressure or suicide. But we just can’t seem to get it. We’re not in their minds. Do you have any thoughts on this, Peter?” This time, it was Chidinma who asked.

Peter himself wished he could dwell inside the minds of men at least to know their inner thoughts and, if possible, proffer solutions and halt them when they want to commit suicide. He was so lost in thought, he felt a sense of guilt, remorse, and hoped to provide solution driven motives to other men out there.

“This brings me back to the question that has invaded my heart since last week. Why do men try to be strong even in pains? I took a walk down memory lane, glancing back at some male figures and how they reacted when faced and surrounded with difficulty. I could only conclude that this ideology didn’t start today. But wait… Something triggers them. Yes!! We just need to figure out what,” Dara continues, probably thinking out loud.

Though Peter felt he didn’t know what other men were thinking at the times they chose death over the gift of life, a little part of him felt he could relate. So, in a bid to reply to the ladies’ unending questions.

He says,

“Take a look at this example, a man may have just enough cash for his transport to work, maybe he hasn’t received his salary for that month, then when he’s about to alight from a bus, a lady just says, ‘would you be so kind to pay my transport.’ Take a guess of the kind of response he would receive if he said either an okay or a no.

Well…

Let me tell you. “If he says okay, he has sacrificed his next stop for a stranger just because she was a lady in need of help. If he says no, both the lady and the rest of the passengers may rain insults on his person as a man and how he can’t even release a little token.”

“But, leave financial constraints. My point is that men don’t have the liberty to feel inadequate or imperfect in the eyes of society. They have been wired to absorb and still smile, stay strong and not falter because many are looking up to them. Though we all know that there’s even a limit to how much water a foam can soak.”

Chidinma, Teresa and Dara all sneaked an understanding glance at each other, then after what felt like 10 minutes as though they were trying to take inventories of the lives of men they had come across, Teresa finally broke the silence by asking with teary eyes, “Then, how can we help them?”

Peter took a deep breath and said, “Well, I can’t speak on behalf of all the men, but I can share a few tips on how I try to maintain my sanity constantly.”

“Since men feel like they shouldn’t be expressive because of society, I think it’s best to break that silence, reason being that they aren’t safe behind that façade.

They should learn to connect with people close to them, and make them feel their weaknesses, teach them to understand how to love them. I always do this by simply telling people what I don’t like in a soft manner, maintaining my standards, but not driving everyone away or being too welcoming in the process.

Sometimes, men also think that the level of dominance they exhibit will determine or limit the amount of negativity that comes their way, yes this is plausible, but not everyone will accept your disciplined front, some will see right through it, and even try to trigger you with that weakness. This happens especially in the workplaces or society.

Men should also learn to value themselves, love themselves and take care of themselves. Self care isn’t just for women. Set goals you want to achieve for yourself and stay on course, award yourself when you achieve something, take yourself out, live within your means and owe no one but yourself the beauty of being you.”

“Wow, Peter, you’re saying a lot of deep things here, I might as well jot these down.” Teresa said with a warm smile.

“Another thing we underestimate when dealing with our mental health is, the importance of exercise. Multiple research studies show that getting 20 minutes of physical activity three times per week reduces the risk of depression and cardiovascular diseases like hypertension. Whatever physical exercises men love, they should engage in for their mental wellbeing. It may be swimming, hiking, walking, running or even cycling.

I make sure to jog at least 30 minutes every morning before getting ready for work, I also do some indoor exercises after I get back from work. I don’t skip my gym time or meditation exercises during the weekend cos they help me clear my head. What we ingest also affects our mind. Men should avoid alcohol and eat good food, eat fruits, drink water and mind their business.

Men are almost always busy, either at work or in their minds, always thinking round the clock and lacking good sleep. Sleep helps the brain function well. My advice is, they should try to sleep well. They should engage in leisure activities they enjoy, life shouldn’t be without a little fun. Learn to have fun.

Another thing I’ve noticed is that, men tend to worry about taking care of loved ones than actually being available to take care of them. Try to get involved in the lives of your loved ones and you’ll see that they care about you and your presence in their growth process more than what you can provide.”

“Peter, I can’t tell you how much of a blessing this has been to me. I’ll be sure to extend this knowledge to those around me.” Dara says, walking to my desk to give me a handshake.

Chidinma on the other hand, who of course cares not for formalities springs up from her chair and jumps in to hug me. I had to catch her mid-air to avoid her tripping as I was standing by the wall. “Peter, you’re really a blessing,” she says, all smiles.

I position Chidinma to stand upright, just to see Teresa quietly standing behind her, almost crying, I pull her in for a hug. “You don’t know how these little words have helped me, Peter. I’ve been so worried about my eldest brother, but now, I feel like I know how to help him,” she says in my ear with sniffles.

“Well, I’m glad I could help, and I hope that with these little points I’ve made, though I’m also a work in progress, that you ladies will be able to help the men in your lives achieve a prime mental health, and in extension, men globally.”

“Because healthy men equals healthy families.”

This piece is dedicated to all the men who eventually read this. Just to let you know that we care for your wellbeing and we’d be happy to help, if only you let us in, if only you can Break The Silence.

HAPPY MEN’S MENTAL HEALTH MONTH – JUNE, 2025.