Dear male reader,
Welcome to a new year! I was going to start out this year talking about hair. I think that the subject matter of hair is to be taken seriously. Be it facial hair or otherwise, how one tends to it says a lot about their state of mind. I would stretch my luck and say, their character as well. I even dare to say that a woman who cannot take care of her hair cannot take care of a man.
Likewise, men ought to get a haircut twice a month. I saw a post that reads, “As a man, have a clean haircut twice a month. Dress well on every occasion. Smell nice. Talk slow. Smile when necessary. Everyone you meet will respect you.” See, a clean haircut does the same job as a beautiful braid: it gives the best face-lift ever! I will share more on the subject in a subsequent letter. Let us center our focus on the damsel in distress.
The Damsel in Distress. Don’t we love them! Or not. I could care less about what certain critics have got to say about the subject. Nevertheless, we can agree with critics who “have linked the helplessness of these women to societal views that women as a group need to be taken care of by men and treated nicely.[1]” Regardless, we can find that “throughout the history of the trope, the role of the woman as the victim in need of a male savior has remained constant.” We have so bought into this ideology that each man is out here looking for a woman to help. You feel empowered when you help out and rightfully so because you were made to meet needs.
Although this is not a literary discourse, let us indulge Wikipedia. Wikipedia states that “The damsel in distress is a narrative device in which one or more men must rescue a woman who has been kidnapped or placed in other peril. The “damsel” is often portrayed as beautiful, popular and of high social status; they are usually depicted as princesses in works with fantasy or fairy tale settings. Kinship, love, lust or a combination of those motivate the male protagonist to initiate the narrative.[1]” The damsel in distress has three major character traits:
- Powerlessness: she never has the resources or ability to solve her problems. You can probably picture a girl in your dm right now asking for an urgent 2k. Worst still, she is always hungry and in need of data.
- There is an aura of naivete around her. She is innocent and sees the good in people. Our world is close to silencing the innocent ones.
- An endearing appearance is ever-present. Her soft features and clothing typically reflect her purity and need for protection. What many a man will give to have such a woman! They may be rare but they are not extinct. I can only urge you to improve your vetting abilities.
Why bother with this, you may wonder. Nearly everywhere you look, you find a damsel in distress. Sadly, they are not women; they are men. (I do not mean those mentally deranged ones who cannot tell their gender. I should let you know that I know there are two genders- male and female. If you believe otherwise, a room at Yabaleft is waiting for you.) These are men who have chosen the path of self-pity. These men want to be pitied. They believe they should be rewarded for being good.
In November 2024, I was on my way to give a speech to a group of young people largely from Delta State University, Abraka. They were a little over 100 people. While en route, I heard loud the same voice I always hear in my spirit, good things will not happen to you because you are good. In that moment it hit me that the world has a system that you have to beat. Should you choose to be a man of noble character which I recommend for your soul, expect no rewards for you shall be disappointed.
The male damsel in distress speaks the language of the victims. This includes a pattern of words such as “I can’t,” “I should,” and “I had no choice.” It almost sounds like one is singing Celine Dion’s famous “Coulda Woulda Shoulda.” One’s spirit can die from just listening to them. The long list of excuses goes on and on and sometimes these excuses are airtight. After all, excuses make the best alibi but we know that though excuses make today easy, it makes tomorrow hard. Start saying, “I will” and “I can.” Take responsibility for your life! No matter how much anyone loves you, they will not care about your life like you do!
Mario’s Don Vito Corleone says “Women and children can afford to be careless, but not men.” These male damsels in distress could care less about the words of the Don. They fail to realize that it is careless to live life as it comes. They wake up each day hoping for handouts. Life can be tough and I know this but not all should know how difficult your life is. Don’t walk about expecting the worst. I don’t hope for the best and expect the worst. You don’t need that! Your faith should be cast iron strong! Get up and have a bucket list of things you want! Attach a date to it and watch your life turn around.
It is equally careless to show weakness. Listen, the world will eat you up! People can tell when you are weak. Nature can smell your fears. It is why what you fear falls upon you. The wealthy man of the land of Uz gave this revelation. In the ancient city of Uz, “he had seven thousand sheep, and three thousand camels, and five hundred yoke of oxen, and five hundred she asses, and a very great household.” This made him the greatest of all the men of the East.
Unfortunately, he was a fearful man and he lost it all in a day. Look, you can only fake your faith for so long. He eventually got back twice all that he lost. Set a goal and waver not! Do not fear! Have no fear for what you fear is also afraid of you. My friend, J. N. Obinwanne told me that.
Recently, I stumbled upon a term coined by Hajo Adam and Adam D. Galinsky. It gave me insight to certain experiences in my life. I’m a man of many passions and I have never shied from exploring them. As such, I have set a structure that allows me to enjoy these adventures hence, I’m a salesman on most days and a socialpreneur on others. These men discovered that there is a correlation between behaviour and dressing.
They found that the way a person is dressed influences how they behave. They called it enclothed cognition. On my most productive and fulfilling days, I was dressed in corporate wear. It is not odd to find people addressing us the way we are dressed if the dressing itself influences our behavior. Likewise, do not be shocked when you find a man in a suit fighting a danfo conductor. Everyone in Lagos is mad. Certain things are peculiar to mad people.
In essence, dress like the man you want to be. See that man every day. Research about the way he would talk. And when he talks, what would he say? How would he say it? Language is beyond words. It is a mix of what we say, how we say it, and when we say it. It is possible to say the right thing at the wrong time. I urge you to gain competence through knowledge acquisition and practice. Nothing is out of reach! In a subsequent letter, I will write in detail about enclothed cognition.
You can turn your life around. Fifty Cents said, Get rich or die trying. I have nonetheless found that no man who had made up his mind to die for a cause eventually died. The Progenitor of the Christian race said, “He who wants to save his life shall lose it.” It all comes down to how badly you want it.
Again, refuse what you do not want and focus on what you want. Remember, it is not “focus” if you are not giving up anything. I remember a businessman who loved apples very much. He had a failing business and decided to give up apples. It made no sense to go without apples till he turned his fortune around. Well, within 90 days he made his luck and now has business in two countries on the west coast of Africa. Again, you’re not focusing on anything if there is nothing you have given up to lock in. It is called “locking in” because certain things are locked out. What you get out of your “lock in” phase is largely dependent on what you locked out.
Give up your most pleasurable moments for your most desired outcome. “No throne without the cross,” says Dunsin Oyekan. Kill those pleasures. Nail those excuses. Stop being a male damsel in distress. The world is waiting for you to act. She will not give you what you want without a fight so, fight! Fight and prevail! Believe you will prevail! See your victory, feel it, taste it! I welcome you to your new era!
The chief patriarch,
Frank.
